Your grief is deep, personal, and private. You do, however, share characteristics with others in your style of grieving. Most people fall into two categories: Intuitive and Instrumental.
Developed through the research of prominent psychologists Kenneth Doka and Terry Martin, these characteristics help people move through the grief process. Intuitives tend to experience grief as a deep feeling they must express and talk through, often processing their grief in support groups around other people or by journaling. The Instrumental griever, on the other hand, doesn’t want to talk about it and are more likely to go it alone, experiencing their grief in physical, cognitive, or behavioral ways.
In my practice, I have observed instrumental grievers often have athletic characteristics. Many are runners. The runner wants to be alone. When they’re running, they’re processing their hurt and pain. For them, raising their heart rate and sweating out the toxins, is how their bodies cry.
If extra sweat sessions have been the right Rx for you, consider how these exercise blocks of time give you the opportunity to reflect about your loss. Be intentional about this thinking time. It’s easy to fall into obsessing about what you can’t change. A more empowering alternative is to move toward renewal in your life, so ask yourself:
- What did I learn?
- What should I let go?
- What should I choose to forgive?
Raymond James is not affiliated with Kenneth Doka or Terry Martin. Opinions expressed are those of Laura Amendola, and not necessarily those of Raymond James.