Alice stared at the unlit candles on her table. Grief had stolen so much from her. Now, it seemed it had taken away the joy of Thanksgiving too. Family were on their way, but she couldn’t muster up the energy to finish setting the table. What Alice really wanted was to crawl back into bed until Thanksgiving was over. This year, she had become a member in the club no one wants to be in…widowhood.
Loss can rob your sense of hope. It can tamper with your ability to believe in the best that life can offer. It was William Shakespeare who said, “Tears water our growth.” For widows, often that growth is about still finding gratitude for life’s wonderful moments, even while your grief is still present. The following four elements may help your shift.
Grief
Here are some things that may come up for you this Thanksgiving. It hurts to see others be happy. A feeling of isolation when it appears others have moved on with their lives. Missing all the little things about your husband. Family traditions feeling broken or empty. Being too tired to celebrate or have anyone over. Holding back your emotions to not burden others.
Breathe
Sometimes the only way to deal with grief…is to grieve. That’s okay. Honor your feelings. Allow yourself this moment. Consider these opportunities to permit the tears to “water your growth” through adding gratitude.
Gratitude
Here are some things of gratitude that might also come up for you this Thanksgiving.
Seeing your husband’s influences in the people around your Thanksgiving Day table. Adjusting traditions to honor the changes in your family. Being present and open to the abundance of love, laughter, and family. Holding the “and” of feeling grief AND seeing the goodness of life’s continuation. Understanding that your loss did not negate abundance, and miracles still happen.
While grief can trap us in our sorrow, gratitude softens the harsh edges and connects us with our present moment. When you radiate gratitude it reflects back and will grow within you. Fear can fade. Sorrow will shift. Love will be present. A little ripple of gratitude has long lasting effects.
Choice
Choosing gratitude can be challenging. Be compassionate with yourself. Stay centered and grounded in your feelings and express them as they come. It’s when you let yourself grieve fully, allowing the tears to rock you body and soul, that you create space for genuine gratitude to enter. No matter what has happened there is always goodness, and therefore opportunities for gratitude, in our lives. This holiday, I hope you welcome finding gratitude and acknowledge the richness of your life – good and tough alike.
~Laura
Any opinions are those of Laura L. Amendola and not necessarily those of RJFS or Raymond James.
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