Grief causes confusion. The brain is functioning differently. There are several levels of conscious thinking going on at the same time. You are not going crazy. Most widows seem to experience some memory loss and confusion during this period. Scientifically, it’s called “cognitive disconnect”. This is why you must write everything down.
It will be imperative for you to stay organized during the months ahead. Realize that your judgment—your ability to make the right decisions—during this emotionally trying time may become impaired. Many widows have shared, the more quickly they understood their present financial condition, the less anxious they felt, which in turn helped contribute to their emotional healing.
The following checklist will help you sort through your financial situation. Begin to make distinct piles on the dining room table or other designated area. You can make more elaborate filing systems later if you choose. For now, the basic system of labeling the stacks with sticky notes will work just fine.
Primary Set of Stacks with Sticky Notes
- Essential Documents – birth certificate (you, your husband’s, and minor children), marriage license, social security numbers for all, bank account number (with routing number) to receive deposits, and military records, if applicable.
- Legal Documents – Will and Trust documents.
- Health Insurance Information – for you, yourself, and minor children.
- State Certified Death Certificate usually ordered from the funeral home both long and short forms. You will need at least 10 copies ready to distribute.
- Benefits Information – life insurance, social security, veterans benefits, employer pensions, and annuities.
- Household Bills – mortgage payment, health premiums, and home/auto insurance.
Secondary Set of Stacks with Sticky Notes
- Property Deeds – home, rentals, business property, vacation homes.
- Financial Assets – bank accounts, retirement plans, investment accounts.
- Tax Returns – last two years.
- Titles – autos, boats, motorhomes.
- Loans and/or lease agreements – vehicles, properties, lines of credit, businesses.
It is not uncommon to feel a sense of panic about financial issues upon the death of your husband. In many marriages responsibilities were divided-up. If you were not accustomed to handling the finances, then you may feel anxious about every aspect of your future. I often hear, “Am I going to make it?” or “Do I have enough?” or “Can I keep my home?”.
A fundamental misconception is that decisions need to be made very quickly. This is not true. In fact, most financial matters can (and should) be deferred until a calmer time, at least a few months into the future. It is not that you are ignoring these matters; only the truly essential issues need to be dealt with in the immediate aftermath of your husband’s death – income benefits, death notifications, and paying essential expenses such as mortgage payments and insurances (i.e. health, auto, and homeowners).
Many widows share they do not remember the reasons behind their choices during those first difficult months. During this time, learning about financial matters regarding your future can become a daunting task. Try to remain calm and do not let anyone rush you into decisions that can wait, such as how to invest or spend life insurance. Collect information, find appropriate advice, and take the time you need to decide what to do. Some decisions can be deferred for a year or more. On the other hand, if you have immediate cash needs, it is possible to obtain partial life insurance proceeds quickly or obtain funding from assets held within his estate.
Organization is a process that can take time. Allow yourself to do this in stages. It’s okay to ask a trusted family member or your professional advisor to help you with locating your items. Even though it’s only made of Post-it®s and paper, you will have a life buoy that makes tomorrow a little easier.
“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” – Lao Tzu
You should discuss any tax or legal matters with the appropriate professional.
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